Healing goes – I think – faster than I had expected. The degree of sense of obstruction lessens and the sensation of the throat is rapidly approaching normal/neutral in most situations. This is also frightening in its own way (“what if it breaks?”). I dreamt I sang high and wide and I dreamt that I coughed hard, but so far thinking perhaps it holds.
I was speaking with people quite a lot in meetings. For auditorium contexts, having microphones solved most. I feel less tired when speaking, but I also notice when recording that when I speak without thinking, I sound more or less the way I did before when I paid attention to keep the voice not too low. This now holds also when just waking up from sleep. So I have sealed away the lowest register (which makes sense) but I am not automatically speaking much higher than how I usually did in the past. That is a little scary also.
However, I do notice I can go higher than that now, and it feels less breathless and uncomfortable to. So what I suspect I must do is to finally engage with voice training regularly, which I can now do easier; it feels less psychologically impossible to perform the training, and less physically difficult to use a higher register. Noting also a hardness to my voice unless I harmonize explicitly.
Thus all in all, basic feeling is, I will still need voice training (as planned), but I approach it from a perspective where it is going to be less difficult and more applicable. The feeling of _how_ I generate a certain voice is same as before and requires same action. The difference may be whether or not I can easily train and habitualize, mostly because the obstacle/challenge in generating a good outcome has moved to “running out of strength” rather than “running out of breath” and for a string of other partially-felt reasonings. Like with any other medical transition step, how we train to reshape ourselves synergize with how medicine reshapes us to make that easier.
More to come. Tiredness encroaching.
lost in transition 