For many years before acknowledging I was trans I had word triggers. Using any male coded word for myself would feel very very painful and I avoided it, including terms for anatomy. That is still there. I was always fine using them for others. This does mean now I have challenges talking about my body because I lack words to use, I need to claim versions of the female ones. Also, notable that I had this type of linguistic dysphoria and still did not consider myself trans enough to transition. And really, the last years before, I think it was like that – I recognized as I met trans people that I could fall within that spectrum, but felt that I didn’t have to because it wasn’t bad enough. Eventually that changed. Interesting to note, in regards to whether there were signs or not.
Tag: words
dear
These days I am aggressively “dear“-ing people in emails. Even people I previously would not because I feared (within toxic masculinity) that it would seem like a gay come-on (dangerous!) to do so. Irrational response of mine back then. Now, dear-ing everyone is a silly and symbolic way for me to claim femininity. Demonstrating to myself and the world that I am no man.