Tag: pronouns

still

Still hurting from that misgendering today. “He works very fast.“ in response to me having produced results during our meeting by multitasking. I’m sitting right in front of you, with my lipstick and my earrings and my pink blouse and skirt. You’ve not met me other than under my new name. Yet I am “he“ to you? “It’s she, not he“ I said, and it was not acknowledged. Not sure at all if you even heard it. We’re supposed to collaborate. Every time I meet you or think of you, I will remember how you likely think I am a man in a dress. That will eat some energy in all of our collaborations. They will not go as well. Had you at least acknowledged my correction, it would have been better. I almost wrote to you now to say, because it stayed with me, but thought better of it.

Then there’s the dysphoria itself. What was it? Was my comments and speech somehow too masculine, too assertive for you? Was it my voice? Was it my facial features? Left numb. What can I do to fix this? Only hope and pray and proceed and cry and continue. I never ever give up. This is what we’re made of.

nominae

So, apparently, even with family knowing I may transition, but not referring to me as me because I have not asked them explicitly to change their words for me, I do feel less worried but not so much less sad. In other news, I seem to care more and more about being actually spoken of as/known as S****, the aunt, the sister, the girl, she who indeed has done all the things I have done, and when language does not reflect this, there is increasingly sadness as a result. Interesting.

Feeling less and less inclined to self-misgender, getting reluctant to sign anything with my old name unless I have to. This means sending more and more work mails without a signature, which is sort of rude, but is less stressful when it is an option I can take. Wonder where this will go?