em kay

Loving the sight of my developing form in clothes that fit it. Wearing non-black for first time since Ancient Sumeria. Inanna is with me.

I suppose she is, at that. I think perhaps now the emotion effects are slowly arriving. Things I feel linger like object permanence was a thing for them.

Also just remembered how I used to avoid any personal pronouns for myself, and how I couldn’t say how I felt when asked. Part affectation. Part probably dissociation.

emojis

It may be that my emotions are coming to be a little more volatile. Still not drastic but beginning to see it. Was stupidly happy last few days, and laughed at many silly things. Today instead I am moody for some reason. It could be weather, high pressures perhaps. Might not be chemical though. More data needed. Also hugs needed, lots and lots of them.

emo

I keep hoping my HRT will make me more emotionally alive, as some have reported. It may or may not be something that comes later. So far, since starting it, baseline volatility is if anything lower, and absolute amplitude may not be significantly different. However, it may be possible (trending significance) that my ability to shut down emotions on the mid-level time scale is lessening, emotions stay longer despite me not actively maintaining them. Seemed tonight like I was staying angry and/or sad despite realizing also emotionally that it was not constructive. This might be a change. More data needed.