Once more I feel something and it’s big and it persists and I don’t know what it is. I feel it in my body and my tears. I feel small and lost and alone and vulnerable and worn. What is this and why am I feeling it?

Some sort of pain and loneliness and disconnect. Still curious if it somehow was the deadnaming. It’s similar to that time in summer when misgendering got to me and stuck with me throughout the day. I can’t be sure but that at least is there. I want to cry. I’ll be OK.