So, part of my brain dares believe there will be surgery (pain!) soon, so more living images are forming within. The part that dares not believe is so tired and worn and desillusioned anyway that it offers no contrasting dreams. Was thinking of my typical need to go up for voiding liquid during the night (more crude verbosity to come in this space eventually, I guess – bodies are bodies and are weird and alien). If Enki’s aftercare is anything like that of the Swedes, I am not supposed to spread legs too far while healing, which imposes challenges on how to get in and out of bed at night, while sleepy, for that purpose, not to mention whatever distinct washing and desinfection/cleaning requirements go into it. I hope this shall not be so severe as the Suporn regimen with multiple forms of antibacterial applied consecutively for each bathroom visit, but who knows? I worry over spreading legs while half-awake and tearing tissue edges and stitches.

Moreover I sleep weirdly, half on side, and have sleep troubles already. What positions shall now be available to me, and how challenging will it be to stick to them? How much will my sleep schedule be screwed up during the first three months or so? I must prepare for the reality that it will take up more time. This being part of the reduced work schedule I now am trying to pay for in advance by overworking. Could I schedule something like 9-10h total for simply sleep and realities around it? Another 3h for dilation because that too is there. 12h for sleep and dilation, so maybe during the six first months post-op, change my expectation of eight good hours of work into six good hours of work? And accepting those hours may be there at home, now away somewhere else, unless necessary. Skype meetings. Though staying inside may drive me crazy. Assuming those 9h of sleep adjacency, 3h dilation and 6h work in all schedules seem like what I should do however. Leaving me 6h for socialization, transport, shopping and solitary pleasures (AKA binge watching cartoons, nothing steamier than that).