So, I couldn’t let it go and I walked the rest of the way and coded up a virtual machine that polls the Suporn surgery calendar every two minutes. If parsing doesn’t break when they update next it will automatically select an available date based on my preferences and mail to request it.
Having a date feels very very major a need now. It’s the thing I turn to when I feel tired or sad. I long for it. I feel like a girl whose pregnancy test turned up negative, and who will keep trying until it is not. It’s a painful uncertainty, by contrast of the certainty of my longing to leap headfirst into the whole of the procedure and use the momentum, the gravity, as a tool and excuse to make other changes to my life and habits.
Just as I wrote this, got other communication from them on another question (re: hair removal being OK), and they say new dates will soon come. Curious on whether the parser will break (worried that it will ruin my chances if it sends them an embarrassing email). Excited to see. Really centering on this now.
Otherwise tired and headachy, next steps will be coffee and regular work-y programming. Need to stay strong so my life can be prepared for what comes. I.e. need to be ahead of my plans so I can rest from them later.
lost in transition 
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