plaster

So the mental processing continues with regards to SRS.

I think now I’m quite OK with the thought of a relatively low risk of loss of sensation, and a relatively low risk of persistent pain. And I’m OK with the mad spiral of pain and fear and challenge which will be recovery. And I consider risk of death a non-issue.

Remaining then is the fear of being handicapped through fistula, specifically having to have colostomy. Suporn says his frequency has been 0.1% and that they fixed it both times. Swedish study showed 1% risk. Chettawut didn’t say how often it had happened, but guessing it will be intermediate. He did say that risk depended on care taken while dilating and depth, and that they had fixed with with colovaginoplasty when it had happened.

This still is my main fear. I have to face a 0.1%-1% risk of having to have a second severe surgery with even more complicated recovery, or even its failure and having to nurse a very shame-loaded handicap. This feels like the main obstacle still in the way.

Going by projection, I’m going to conclude I’ll go through with this anyway and then I’m going to do it. Just need to digest.