hentai

So, the thought was raised and resonated with me, so I should inspect it deeply, what of effects of HRT and realignment on my person? More specifically, is there the possibility that continued further HRT and body awareness and happy sexual and sensual and mobile experiences will get me to a point where my genital issues are a sufficiently small obstacle that at that point, the distress they cause is less than my risk-weighted fears of unfavorable SRS outcomes?

This is relevant because it seems to be the core point of my process of decision-making for SRS. And while I can wait and observe (and will, as much as I need to), I also don’t want to wait more than necessary. I could wait for Godot forever. So I should actively inspect this part and it will require some significant effort to do so. Luckily it is within what I was planning already, actually, it is precisely what I was planning already.

So for dumping related observations, what came to me on it this day was the memory of what HRT has felt like, not the changes but my relations to the changes. When I came out and stopped trying to present androgynous, I accepted being seen however I am, however my body becomes. I have wishes of course for what HRT does to my body and mind, and I am an active participant in my treatment.

But more importantly, I remember now what I felt: I give myself up for puberty. I surrender to the best changes my regime and genetics give me. I’m not sculpting my body specifically, I am surrendering it to the becoming of womanhood. That changed a lot. I stopped fearing so much, started to anticipate so much.

On some level, at that point I accepted that whatever transition does to my body, it will. I will be whatever woman I can sail to within the scope of my biology. It’s not only my choice but it is how I grow. And on some level, that also reduced my fears of SRS complications. As long as I move towards womanhood, there is unpredictability in what womanhood I get. On some level I feel this way about the uncertainties of surgery also.

This is not by any means a reason not to worry. But it may be a part of why I don’t worry so much as I feel I should, intellectually. I accepted already that the details of this process are things I can influence but not control.