In many regards I have always genuinely wanted to be odd, different, special, to not fit in, to stand out. I certainly don’t mind it. I usually don’t want to be normal. This also means that in and of itself, I don’t mind being trans, don’t mind how being trans rather than cis makes me a minority. I have no drive to not stand out in that regard.
Except indirectly I do. Because I do have a drive to not be different, a failure, inferior, in regards to the statistical distribution of women. Only in my identity as a woman do I crave not to be abnormal, not to be a freak. I want to be a weird and abnormal human, but not for my weirdness to make me weird with respect to my womanhood. So indirectly I would crave to be cis rather than trans, because most women are cis rather than trans, so being a cis woman would make me less unlike other women.
So all in all, there are some few ways in which I do have an instinct to fit in. Gender is one. Whereas otherwise I usually do not. This I find relevant.
lost in transition 