turns

Last few day have been intense work-wise. At the same time, other experiences along the way.

One being the background awfulness of (not all) men; dirty looks, some more catcalls, the drunk who drove me from where I sat working (if you are in Babylon late at night and see a girl intently hacking a way at a laptop in some awkward public space, this is me), the disgusting regular-guy-with-a-bicycle who was masturbating in broad daylight next to the park and playgrounds, well aware people could see him. I am getting more careful, somehow, more conscious of possible threats.

Learning better posture, slowly. Currently ignoring voice shortcomings. Feeling too heavy but still continuously feeling I actually look good, and happy in that, more than I would have thought.

Meeting professional connections. Thus far literally everyone has accepted my transition without question or comment. This is weird, but I gratefully receive it.

Still boycotting misgendering-habitually-Douglas the cosmetics chain. But gaining a better view still of Q&A that actually now had lots of dresses at low cost that fit my changing body. I got another five, three of which have floral patterns. Who would have thought?

Thinking more on my chosen name and realizing that there are trans angles on the literary character who was one of the sources (Sophie, of Wynne Jones’s Castle books). She becomes cursed with a body she never chose, with the context to go with it. She then does what she needs to fix it, her own brand of magic and wit and humbleness and weary smiling cynicism as she copes and works. I was always thinking of that experience, somehow, of accepting reality as it is and then going forward from there. Did not realize how indeed she too was stuck in a body unchosen and unwanted, and seen by others as someone she wasn’t. Perhaps it contributed to the affinity, however?