corpora

NB: NSFW

Libido stays low, and this mostly does not bother me. Theoretical and conceptual interest in sex as symbol and practice remains high. Sex as bonding with partners work, and I’ve enjoyed that – exploring and touching them. One big difference is that it’s become much like cuddling with some parts deepening into more intense touch and stimulation, I don’t really care as much as I used to about anyone getting off, which used to be a really big thing for me.

As regards the one I am with, I want of course for them to reach whatever goal they are after, but the need to provide that (and gain validation from having been able to provide that) has lessened significantly. I worried some this would make me lazy but I don’t think it has to, as long as I ensure I stay embodied and comfortable and liking the cuddling/intimacy aspect while I do things with them, then I’m still happy giving another what they seek, so long as I am happy having sex with them in the first place.

As regards myself, it’s now been long since I climaxed, almost so I fear sometimes I may risk losing the capacity. However, this is not for trying and failing, but for not trying at all; I have zero interest to self-pleasure, and when with a partner, while on some level I want for them to make me come, the idea of messy discharges and coming down to the reality of my current parts configuration is off-putting enough that I haven’t asked for it, though probably next time I shall because I’m curious how it will feel now, how and if it has changed.

Generally, uncomfortable baring bottom parts even during sex now. This all sounds awfully like increasing (clarity of) genital dysphoria. I wonder what it would be like post-op? And also, I’m curious on whether the anecdotal experiences of others saying another form of libido returned to them once they started progesterone would apply to me. I will meet my new endocrinologist next week, will ask then if they will support me trying it.

Also while I am still switch and still capable of top dynamics, it seems
a lot of the drive for that was validation-related. Interesting.

TLDR; All in all good, calm, but also gradually more and more curious on what being stimulated is like now, and less and less comfortable with my parts during sex. Curious on who I am now sexually. Demisexual switch?