dirt

Went out late, got dressed late. Ultimately did not put on foundation, may look OK anyway. Longing for that time when no stubble remains.

On way home, saw two men parking car. When inside my courtyard, opening the house door, two men came in after me, looked around, then went out again. It could have been the same ones or others. They may have been looking for whatever and not found it.

They might also have followed me and then when they saw the yard was not dark and I already at my door they went back again. But if so – and it bothers me that I do not know – then they would have been targeting me. Presumably thinking I was cis (in heels and a skimpy dress, carrying a big grocery bag) and wanting to do something to me that I don’t want to think about.

Intermingling confusion, uncertainty, the most messed up kind of validation, and fear. And feminist vindication, whether this was an actual unsafe situation or not. Mostly fear and anger either way. Rite of passage of womanhood, I suppose, and probably not the last time in any way…

All fine now, you need not worry. I will perform a burst of analysis, then cook food and watch cartoons.