Things are intense and tumblng. I was with lovely people on a remote island, attending a wedding. This meant, like I hoped, for the first time trying to live as a woman in a very gendered environment; I had nice dresses and hung out with the bridal party. All in all, this was fun and empowering. More valuable: spent all that time with a group of Deep Southern US Army/Navy/Air Force folks, as a non-passing trans woman, and they did not challenge me. The only problematic interaction in that regard was a club which made some excuse to not let us in, and my party responded by yelping them into oblivion. I feel loved and cared for in these ways.
Now traveling to places where relatives live, for holidays. Trying to schedule a body hair removal session before the NYE party. Bothered by how many places only offer intimate waxing to “women“ but not stating whether they recognize trans women as such, meaning I have to email them all and ask…
Sort of sleep deprived and a little meh, and a little angst prone (”what if there is research anywhere that challenges any assumption my identity requires?”). Leaning towards recognizing my thoughts today as skittish/clouded enough that I should not engage with this out-of-left-field worry, I should not go into OCD territory. There certainly exist people who believe that humans do not work like I think I work, and some of them may even have published their thoughts. But ultimately, the important thing is what I think I feel/need, and that acting on it seems like it is making me happy, and that further experimentation will show if I am wrong in this regard, and that my identity (and state of form and person, as these things shift and evolve throughout transition) remains valid nonetheless.
Shall seek to just continue my sciencing and correspondence en route.
lost in transition 