Now feeling a painful and near-obsessive longing to get the facial laser continued like yesterday. Seeing beard shadow and hating it so deeply. Will try to look for something when home for the holidays because otherwise I will feel so disgusting and alien.
Plus… people apparently do laser for full body. It costs a lot. Probably a few thousand EUR in total for all the rounds needed. Still, over many years, doing regular waxing and still having half a month of outgrowth between each… maybe this actually would be something I ought to do? Right now I long so much for it. It’s silly how much these things affect whether my body feels right or not.
Also craving for head hair to grow out enough to look properly long. And seeing to my utmost horror how the edges of the forehead have little hairless horns, like the beginning of male pattern baldness. It’s not likely to go far or fast, judging by my father, but it really does accentuate how unless I go on androgen blockers very soon, changes will start to occur from male aging alone that I will feel absolutely horrible about. Good to know this. Skin crawling, longing for solutions. They will come.
lost in transition 