In the laser-cleansed areas, there now seems to return new stubble, that is, there will indeed have to be multiple rounds like that. Somewhere I’d hoped I would be an exception, and it would all go with a first screen. No matter, I can deal with all around this, and it will work.
What I had not anticipated was that I would long for already the half-finished stage of partial removal, in-between these cycles. It makes a difference; I loathe seeing beard shadow on my face. Even unwilling to talk of it as “my beard“, interestingly enough, and I have for some time, have kept wanting to unlink it as just “facial hair“, decouple it from myself. Not something which I’ve had strong emotions around, just something showing up in my actions.
Tumbling around in terms of feeling/not-feeling, doubting, etc. Consciously not engaging in analysis. Choosing to acknowledge and live with the possibility of being wrong, of not seeking security from convincing myself I have done all sorts of systematic analysis of every perspective or implication, that I am sure I can describe even the most complex matter simply. Instead drinking pumpkin spice latte, traveling through autumny landscapes, and soon, hopefully, catching up on work things. This life is mine to live and to make the most of.
lost in transition 