Heading back from second therapy meeting. Really not feeling questioned by this one, it’s almost as though she is trying to be open-minded, honest and do a good job… well, we will see. I continue presenting as I have, in the sense of, highlighting the version of my narrative which is least doubt-inducing, but that’s OK. Still in steps of overall anamnesis and demographics, this should take some time given sessions are so short. Two weeks until next, looking forward to. Those will be two pretty hectic weeks anyway.
Also, weight loss slowly continues. I feel bad talking about this because I don’t want to feed the engines of body issues and fatphobia that surround us. But really, I’d probably be quite fine with a body that was larger so long as I was parsed as a curvy woman rather than a chubby man (or a thin man, for that matter). But it really is a matter of being able for me to be seen as female at all, to be able to fit into clothing I would want to wear to further that, and with the assumption that if I indeed do go on hormones, I will gain weight from that no matter what I do, in new locations, but not lose any. For the first time I feel I _can_ do this, and I feel that sense of decision within me which may be a sort of way of feeling I want it.
This week was hectic in part to set up things to get to meet a heavily inspiring successful woman in my field who also happens to have transitioned, at something close to my age. After a lot of challenges this worked out well, it seems, and indeed was inspiring, like seeing one indication of the sort of person I could be ten years from now. As well as learning of some of the various challenges, including exclusion and prejudice, but still. A rewarding way to spend energy.
Other challenges remaining to require coping and energy and work, and I will do those things. I will fight all battles best I can, identify and focus my particular strengths. And perhaps even get some rest…
lost in transition 