This year since starting to question, I’ve come to place attention on a lot of attributes of other people that previously passed me by. I look at body language, bone structure, height, shape of torso, shape of face, hairlines, eyebrows, body hair, brow ridges, and so on. I will look at the eyebrows of people I talk to and assess how they do/do not pluck, all the time. And in all this, I will build distributions, trying to see how well I could potentially fit in the cis woman distribution of each of these traits. Ears picking up vocal patterns.
There is also jealousy. Some for cis woman, but mostly for those cis men who clearly would become more passable than I if they were to transition, except that they actually don’t want to.
People look at me back, the more I present androgynous or feminine. Essentially two types of reaction are new. Cis men look at me angrily for some reason, probably homophobia if they read me as effeminate gay. Cis women smile at me (and I smile back), and I actually don’t know why. But my heart flutters each time it happens.
lost in transition 