Spent time after waking worrying generally due to low blood sugar. Ended up concerned whether my reasons for transition are the right ones, are sufficiently binding, are correctly understood; whether my past wishes/thoughts means one thing or another, whether I parse my memories correctly, whether I am making weird and elaborate explanations for simple things, and so on. Am I invalidated if I have sometimes felt one way, sometimes another? Can I be certain some emotion relates to a label and not its associations? Can I trust my responding thought experiments or are they rigged? Must I be able to relate to all women everywhere to be able to feel I relate better to women than men, or can it still be true if there are plenty of women who are equally relatable? Are my concerns about what pace I am willing to go, or worries about coming out in some key contexts, invalidating? Am I risking too much? Mostly recognized as manifestation of my general worry spiraling but was not quite able to stop.
Then saw some poster comparing nude male and female torsos and felt, “fuck it, I’m transitioning“. Whether appropriate or not logically speaking, that let me stop the spiral for today.
lost in transition 